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Swipe, Chat, and Nikah: Do Online Matches into Meaningful Connections?

“What if I fail? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”

The words stayed with Amina as she sat on her bed.

Two years.

That is how long she had spent working on herself, healing, reflecting, and strengthening her connection with Allah.

Now she was ready, not perfect, but enough. It was time to take the next step…..marriage.

In 2022, with a mix of excitement and nerves, she told her family and friends, “I’m ready to meet someone.”

It felt bold, like stepping into the unknown with faith and trust. She pictured the introductions, meaningful conversations, and eventually, the clarity that she had found the right person.

But as Amina would soon realise, the journey to finding the right partner is rarely simple or straightforward.

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Tradition Falls Short

Amina started by asking her family for introductions. It felt like the natural thing to do since so many marriages had begun that way.

But as the weeks turned into months, she started to lose hope.

The men she met weren’t bad people, but none of them felt right for her.

Some didn’t have a strong connection to their faith. Others had completely different goals. And a few just didn’t seem ready for marriage.

Amina felt disappointed, but she refused to settle.

She reminded herself, “I’m looking for someone who truly fits, not just anyone.”

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Joining the Online World

When family introductions didn’t work out, Amina decided to try something different.

She turned to Muslim matrimonial apps like Muzz, Salams, Half Our Deen, and Sunnah Match.

The idea of putting herself out there online felt scary. Would it work? Could she trust the process? Would anyone take her seriously?

Then she thought, “What do I have to lose?”

Setting up her profile felt like a mix of vulnerability and determination.

She wanted it to show the real her, not just a list of qualities. It needed to reflect her personality and her faith.

The photo: A clear, modest picture that felt authentic. She appreciated the apps’ privacy features, which allowed her to share her photo only with matches she felt comfortable with.

1. The bio: Amina didn’t settle for clichés like “Looking for someone kind.” Instead, she wrote: “Faith is the foundation of my life. I’m family-oriented, adventurous, and dream of building a home filled with love and barakah.”

2. The filters: She focused on men serious about their Deen, older than her, and based in the UK.

When her profile went live, the matches started pouring in. Amina scrolled through smiling faces, quirky bios, and heartfelt introductions.

The possibilities felt endless….

But the question lingered……. How do I know who’s genuine?

An example of a man's profile photo on these apps, as reported by genuine women's experiences. I've not shared the original.

Yes, you are seeing things accurately, a man picked a profile photo of himself seated in his kitchen, eating lasagne directly from a huge dish with a serving spoon. Where is the decorum? Is he serious?

Upon seeing the photo, Amina was not thinking, “He’s down to earth and doesn’t take himself too seriously.” However, others might see it as a lack of effort or seriousness, wondering, “Is this how he wants to present himself to a potential spouse?”

While the picture might appeal to women who value humour and authenticity, it risks alienating those looking for a partner who demonstrates intentionality and effort in their profile.

Now we’ve had a good laugh!

Amina’s first match was Yusuf.

He was 35, an accountant from London, and on paper, he seemed perfect. A stable career, a strong commitment to his religion, and at first glance, a man ready for marriage, or so it appeared. Encouraged by his promising profile, Amina shared the news with her family, who smiled warmly and wished her well.

But as their chats progressed, Amina’s initial excitement began to fade. Yusuf’s messages, which started off friendly, quickly took a different tone.

He began to overshare deeply personal struggles, pouring out his emotions as though he was unburdening himself after years of holding it all in.

While vulnerability can be a strength, in this case, it felt relentless. He was asking for understanding, but not once did he ask about her.

Yusuf’s behaviour suggested emotional overdependence, a dynamic that can undermine a healthy relationship.

Early oversharing often points to unresolved personal or unmet emotional needs, which can create an unbalanced dynamic.

Relationships flourish when there is mutual support and reciprocity, with both people giving and receiving equally.

Yusuf’s actions showed he was seeking emotional caretaking rather than a true partnership.

Amina tried to empathise, but the conversations left her feeling drained, as though she was carrying both their emotional burdens. “This isn’t what partnership feels like,” she thought. “This is what it feels like to be someone’s therapist.”

Recognising the imbalance, Amina took a deep breath and ended the conversation politely but firmly. It wasn’t an easy decision, but she knew it was the right one.

Walking away taught her an important lesson. Relationships must be built on mutual respect and shared responsibility, not one-sided dependency.

By drawing a boundary, she protected her emotional health, a vital act of self-respect that would guide her as she continued her search for a truly compatible partner.

Protect your energy. If someone isn’t emotionally ready, it’s okay to walk away.

Next came Ibrahim. He was 34, educated in Egypt, and had recently completed his master’s degree. Articulate and confident, he made a strong first impression. Their initial conversations were easy and engaging, and Amina felt a glimmer of hope.

But as the days went on, the dynamic began to change.

Ibrahim’s tone shifted, becoming flirtatious. At first, it was subtle, playful remarks that could be brushed off, but gradually, his comments became more overt and inappropriate.

What started as engaging conversations began to feel uncomfortable, leaving Amina questioning whether his intentions aligned with his words.

Ibrahim’s behaviour revealed a lack of respect for boundaries, which is a red flag in any relationship.

Healthy communication is rooted in mutual respect, and when someone disregards established boundaries, it indicates a self-serving dynamic.

Flirting beyond what’s appropriate in this context suggested that Ibrahim was prioritising his own desires over the values Amina had clearly communicated.

Amina, aware of the importance of boundaries in a relationship, reminded him of her values and made it clear that respectful communication was non-negotiable. She set her expectations firmly, hoping to redirect the interaction to something more meaningful.

When his behaviour persisted, Amina made the difficult but necessary decision to move on. She knew that tolerating disrespect in the early stages would only set the tone for an imbalanced relationship.

Walking away reinforced her commitment to protecting her values and maintaining her self-respect. It wasn’t an easy choice, but it was a powerful reminder that boundaries are not just rules, they are acts of self-care and dignity.

Set boundaries early. If someone doesn’t respect them, they’re not the right person for you.

Finally, there was Musa. His profile described him as single and never married. He seemed straightforward and sincere, and for the first time in a while, Amina felt a flicker of hope.

Their conversations began on a promising note, but as they talked, Amina noticed subtle inconsistencies in his answers. Some details didn’t quite add up, leaving her with a growing sense of unease. Trusting her instincts, she decided to ask a few direct questions to clarify.

It was then that the truth came out…

Musa had been married before and had children, details he had failed to disclose.

For Amina, it wasn’t the fact that Musa was divorced that bothered her. She understood that everyone has a past and believed that it could have been something to work through together.

What troubled her deeply was the dishonesty. If he was willing to withhold such significant information, what else might he not share?

Musa’s omission reflects a lack of transparency, which is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

Trust is built on honesty, and when one person withholds or manipulates information, it creates a foundation of suspicion and instability. His decision to obscure the truth may have been driven by fear of rejection, but it ultimately undermined any chance of building a genuine connection.

Amina knew that honesty and trust were non-negotiable for her. By asking the right questions and confronting the inconsistencies, she demonstrated self-awareness and the courage to hold potential partners accountable.

Walking away was not an act of rejection, but an affirmation of her values and her commitment to building a relationship rooted in integrity.

This experience reinforced an essential truth: a relationship can only thrive when both people are willing to show up with honesty and vulnerability. For Amina, it was another step forward in her journey, a reminder to always listen to her instincts and trust that the right person would never require her to compromise on her principles.

Always verify. Transparency is non-negotiable, and asking the right questions early can save you time and heartache.

By this point, Amina could have given up. The disappointments had piled up, and it would have been easy to think, Maybe this just isn’t for me.

But instead of retreating, Amina chose to refine her approach. She began asking intentional questions that uncovered deeper truths, paying close attention to consistency in people’s words and actions, and most importantly, trusting her instincts.

Then, one day, Ahmed sent her a message.

His profile was simple, almost understated. He mentioned that he was busy with work but serious about finding a partner. There were no grand declarations or dramatic promises, just quiet honesty. Something about his sincerity caught Amina’s attention, so she responded.

Their conversations felt different from the start. Ahmed wasn’t overly talkative or trying to impress her with charm, but he always initiated the chats and kept their discussions focused and respectful. He asked thoughtful questions and answered hers with openness, creating a natural, easy rhythm.

When they scheduled a phone call, Amina felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time…….peace.

“It wasn’t fireworks or butterflies,” she later reflected. “It was like sitting in the warmth of the sun. Comforting, familiar, and exactly where I was meant to be.”

Ahmed’s approach demonstrated emotional maturity and a strong sense of self. He wasn’t trying to dazzle Amina with exaggerated gestures or win her over with superficial charm.

Instead, his actions conveyed stability, respect, and a willingness to engage at a pace that felt safe and intentional. Amina’s response also showed growth, she recognised that real connection often feels calm and grounded, rather than overwhelming or overly exciting.

When Amina told Ahmed he’d need to speak to her father if they were to move forward, he didn’t hesitate.

He reached out with sincerity and respect, meeting her father and leaving a lasting impression.

His actions matched his words, reinforcing the trust Amina had begun to build in their interactions.

Four months later, Amina stood beside Ahmed as his wife.

Their story wasn’t about perfection or instant chemistry. It was about shared values, patience, and the quiet confidence that comes when two people approach a relationship with intention and integrity.

Amina’s journey had been full of challenges, but every misstep had brought her closer to the partner she was meant to find. And in the end, it was all worth it.

What Amina Wants You to Know

Amina’s journey wasn’t perfect, but it was hers. Along the way, she learned valuable lessons she now shares with you:

• Start with intention. Know what you’re looking for and don’t compromise on your values.

• Create a thoughtful profile. Be specific, honest, and reflective of your personality and goals.

• Ask meaningful questions. Don’t be afraid to dig deeper, transparency is key.

• Set and enforce boundaries. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone who doesn’t align with your values.

• Trust Allah’s timing. Every step, even the setbacks, is part of your journey.

Resources for Your Journey

Explore tools like Half Our Deen FAQs for guidance. Learn about marriage in Islam with Sheikh Yasir Qadhi’s lecture or through Islam Q&A. Deepen your emotional readiness with books like Before You Tie the Knot and Attached by Amir Levine. Finally, trust in Allah’s plan through dua and Istikhara for Marriage. Begin your journey with Quranic Guidance and clarity, knowing that Allah’s timing is always perfect.

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Ready to Take the Next Step?

If Amina’s story and the lessons shared here resonate with you, why not join The Blossoming Path (Zainab) for an exclusive, free workshop live session?

Topic: The Ultimate Guide to Navigating Muslim Matrimonial Apps Successfully
When: Jan 31, 2025 07:30 PM, London U.K, Greenwich Mean Time

Where: Join Zoom Meeting - Click Here For Link

So take that first step. Your Ahmed might just be one message away.